Dear Reader,

When I was a child and we were learning about letter writing in school, they told us to begin each informal letter with some kind of sentence that informs the recipient of how you are and asks them about how they’re doing. One example I’ve never forgotten was, “I’m doing fine, and hope you’re sailing in the same boat.”

Interestingly, we were also told to always say “I’m fine, thank you,” when someone asks you how you are. When I asked my teacher about what to say if we are not doing fine, she told me that it was good manners to say you’re fine, even if you’re not. In fact, it would be considered impolite if someone asked you how you were and you started telling them about everything that’s wrong with your life. Admittedly, you were allowed to complain in informal letters to relatives and friends but even then, you were supposed to begin on a positive note.

All such rules seem to me to be vestiges of the Victorian upper-class culture that has survived within the British education system, which strongly influenced the Indian education system. As a child, I loved to follow all such rules. My teacher told me that I was like a little British gentleman.

I used to walk around with a black umbrella, using it as a walking stick. To clarify that, this was when I was living in Dharamsala, which is one of the wettest regions in India and you’re better off always carrying an umbrella coz it can rain at any time. It could be sunny and clear all morning and then be raining cats and dogs in the afternoon.

I used to comb my hair in such a way that a little pompadour was set all day and I got really upset if it got out of place. I used to carry two handkerchiefs, one for personal use and one for sharing with people, especially girls. And I would iron my handkerchiefs everyday and put a little bit of talc on the sharing hanky so that it smelled good. I also carried a third scruffy piece of cloth in my bag to keep my shoes clean and shining. I polished my shoes every night but the rag was needed to keep them that way in school. And most importantly, I was always a perfect gentleman to everyone, especially the ladies.

As an adult, I no longer think that we need a set of rules to guide our behavior. It should be left up to everyone how they want to dress and behave. Such rules don’t suit everyone’s personality and it’s not fair to force them on everyone. If someone doesn’t want to polish their shoes or iron their handkerchiefs, that’s fine! As long as you’re a good person underneath, this superficial stuff doesn’t matter. I’d much rather hang out with a good hippie than an evil gentleman.

But I do still think that there is merit in maintaining a certain standard of appearance and behaving in a respectful manner. Captain Ray Holt from Brooklyn Nine-Nine, who starts and ends his chat messages with “Dear Jake,” and “Sincerely, Captain Holt,” comes to mind. Even though Jake Peralta is what’s considered cool in the 21^st century, don’t let anyone stop you from being like Captain Holt, if that’s who you want to be.

Having said all that, I’m doing great and hope your boat is in similar waters.

Sincerely,

Rudya Aditya