I had the longest phase of bad days since I started this whole thing (being positive and working consistently on my philosophy plan) a couple of months ago. It began by waking up a little bit late and missing workout for a couple of days. The next two days I woke up on time but it was cloudy and chilly and I went back to sleep.

Missing workouts for 4-5 days went hand in hand with feeling a little overwhelmed with work and a little confused about how to proceed. Which led me to avoid thinking about it and seek distractions. (Watched Netflix and played Motorsport Manager.) Which triggered the negativity, which fed into avoiding thinking and seeking more distractions.

The negativity slowly grew as each bad day was followed by another one. Usually I get right back to work after a bad day and I don’t even consider it a bad day. I think of it as a holiday or break, because I don’t take weekends off. But when 4 days went like that back to back, the negative thoughts started to become more menacing.

What if these last couple of months were just a phase? What if I go back into depression? There’s no way I’d be preaching my philosophy if I can’t improve my own life with it. Then came the negative thoughts about my philosophy. Is it even good? Am I just not seeing something obvious that’s wrong with it? Will philosophers rip my work to shreds and laugh at me? Or worse, will no one ever know about it? Will my blog and YouTube channel have 10-20 visitors at max and never grow more than that? What will I do about money then? Why do I keep assuming that everything will work out? Should I be focusing on freelance graphic design and earning money first?

As you can see, the negative thought avalanche was quickly gathering material and speed.

Then yesterday, I faced the thoughts I was avoiding. I made a two week plan for each category of work I want to do. I was considering doing a distance learning masters in philosophy from IGNOU but then I found that the bachelors of philosophy course material is available for free and it’s the same material as masters, perhaps not going in as much detail but the subjects are the same. It covers Indian philosophy, western philosophy, analytic, continental, there are sections on famous philosophers, logic. It’s a 3 year course and since I only care about learning and not the degree, I decided to just study the free material and get a reading list from that and study on my own. Then I might think about doing a masters from IGNOU or even another university after that. So I added this to my plan. And I went to bed last night, with confidence that I will get back on track tomorrow. I was still unsure and a bit on the negative side.

Today morning, I woke up easily. Went for a run and also did core workout to make up for the lost days. I took a cold shower, shampooed my hair, and had breakfast, all by 8:30. And I was already feeling so much better.

I went from ‘on the verge of negativity’ to ‘as positive as I’ve ever been’. This shows that my system works. It’s not about focusing on feelings and making yourself feel better and only then taking care of yourself. Feelings are important but they should not become the main focus.

The main focus should be taking care of your biological machine. Then feelings fall into place automatically. Which makes sense because feelings are like software signals in our brain. When the hardware is well maintained and is running properly, the software runs smoothly as well. Negative thoughts and feelings, doubts, boredom, sadness, will always arise but if you take care of yourself, then they pass quickly too.

Actions > Thoughts > Feelings.

Control behavior first. Then control attention. Be in charge of where you focus your attention. Do these two things and the thoughts and feelings will fall in line on their own.

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Cover Photo by Alessandro Matonti on Unsplash