This is a tricky question for me because for years I was depressed and couldn’t feel happy at all. I was definitely experiencing anhedonia. I could only get excited about the prospect of doing something, like eating something delicious, but when I actually did that thing, I found it hard to feel anything at all. Even my favorite treat, like a hot pizza, felt only just fine. The pleasure I was expecting to receive, never arrived.
The good thing about anhedonia is that you also don’t feel negative emotions too strongly. You just don’t feel anything. In this way, I think it’s a survival mechanism that gets activated when you’re depressed for too long. In fact, for the longest time during my depression, I didn’t really feel sad. I never felt like crying. I just felt numb and lost.
It was only when I started recovering from my depression that I started to feel things again. Then, when I got sad, I actually felt it and had days when I just wanted to cry, and I did cry in bed, not even knowing why I was crying.
Now, happiness is also coming back, although it isn’t fully back yet. When I read this prompt and thought about when I’m most happy, nothing really jumped out to me. I guess, I’m most happy when I’m watching a comedy show or movie. The other times when I’m happy are when I’m drawing, or writing, but this happiness is at a lower level than while consuming content. And that makes me kind of sad. I’d like to be more happy, more often. But one small step at a time. I’ll get there eventually.
Rudya Aditya 
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